stumblingtoholiness

This afternoon, just as I was settling down to a bit of quiet time after laying zman down for a nap, a telemarketer called.  Well, sort of.  The people who called are not actually telemarketers as it is not a legitimate business.  In their relentless pursuit of artifice and lies they keep telling me I am sending them an error message from my windows machine.  I have tried every tactic, gone along with them to then blatantly tell them they are flat out liars when I reveal I don’t own a windows machine, I have hung up on them, which only made them call over and over again. I have asked to speak to management, and threatened to call the police.  Blocking the number does no good as they change it regularly.  At one point a very aggressive scam artist told me they would be calling and there was nothing I could do about it.  After I got off the phone fuming that day I decided to tell them about Jesus, and felt much better.  No need to get upset, I told myself, just share grace.

No one called again for a few weeks but then the phone rang one evening and it was the same old scam, different number.  The woman on the other end seemed confused by my enthusiasm when I answered the phone.  Then I said “I’m so excited to talk to you, let me tell you about Jesus!” and she hung up on me.  Apparently she didn’t want to hear about grace.  Another month of peace went by.

Then, the past week they have been calling again, with another number but hanging up before any conversation.  Until this afternoon, when a person finally spoke to me.  I am almost certain it was the same aggressive person as  before, whom we shall now refer to as Snake. I asked him if he knew Christ and he said he did know who Jesus is.  And he played along to a point. Our conversation went something like this…

Snake: “Hello, ma’am let me tell you why I am calling  I have received an urgent error mess….”

Me:  “I don’t own a windows machine and I don’t care why you’re calling but I’m so glad you did!  Do you know who Jesus is?”

Snake:  “Ah, yes, I do.”

Me:  “And do you believe in Him and His death and resurrection?”

Snake:  “I believe in many people, many things.”

Me:  “So if I told you I was a pink elephant with monkeys flying out my butt would you believe that?”

Snake:  “Ah, no.  How could you prove it?”

Me:  “But you said you believe in many people and things.  You expect me to believe you are who you say you are, but I know you are a fraud and a scam and need to repent.”

Snake:  “How could you say such things to me?  If you believe in Jesus how can you make such accusations?”

Me:  “I can make such accusations because I have researched your phone number and tried to call you back and over and over the resounding answer is scam, scam, fraud, scam.  I don’t even own a windows machine.”

Snake: “I can prove to you who I am.  Is this number ***-***-****?”

Me:  “That is none of your business.  And just like I can show you a picture of a pink elephant and you can create credentials, it doesn’t make either of us any more of the ridiculous thing we say we are.”

Snake:  “You don’t own a windows machine, so you are using a macintosh, apple machine?”

Me:  “You don’t need to know what I am using.  It is none of your concern.”

Snake:  “But how can this be, this number is ***-***-****!”

Me:  “That may be, but even positing that you are legit, have you never heard of people changing phone numbers before…”

Snake, cuts in, “I am not an idiot.  I am not an idiot.”

Me:  “Then you know people change numbers and the number gets reissued to someone else.”

Snake:  “I am not an idiot.”

Me:  “But you are a sinner and need to repent of your scamming and fraudulent activity and arrogance and whatever other sins you have committed and seek the grace and forgiveness of Christ.”

Snake:  “How can you make such accusations of me.  I go to church.  I respect Jesus.I pray.  I feel good.”

Me:  “You go to church and pray to Jesus and feel good…I’m glad for you.  Jesus doesn’t just want your respect and good feelings, He wants your repentance and your worship.”

Snake:  “I pray…”

Me:  “What do you pray for?”

Snake:  “That is a personal question ma’am.  I don’t feel…”

Me:  “You call my home, interrupt my day, try to con me, and are upset by a personal question?  Regardless of all that, getting back to the point, you have stated in this conversation several times that you are receiving an error message from my windows machine.  You have been informed as many times that I do not own a windows machine.  I can only conclude then sir that you must want to talk to me so if that is the case, let me tell you about the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ who was beaten and crucified for your sins and mine and rose from the grave to sit in glory at the right hand of His father in Heaven.”

Snake:  “I am receiving an error message from your windows machine.”

Me:  “You sir, need to repent, or burn in hell.  My daughter is calling me now and, much as I have enjoyed our conversation, she takes precedence over you.”

And I hung up.  Perhaps I could use a little more finesse in sharing the gospel when someone is goading me.  Guess I’ll just have to keep on practicing.