The OPC’s women’s retreat is a wonderful experience. There is sound biblical teaching, fellowship, and time away from the normal, the mundane. Though our daily tasks, even changing diapers as my pastor is often heard to say, can be worshipful and a form of loving service, they can also be a long, long road stretched out before us of twists and turns, hills and valleys, riddled with bumps and potholes. A retreat is a chance to step aside on the road and lift up our eyes, a chance to be reminded of or remember why we are on that road in the first place, and above all, the glorious destination at the end of it, as well as the awesome truth that we never travel it alone or under our own power.
That being said, having attended in the past, as well as several other retreats, I have realized that what I enjoy the most is the quiet. The time apart, set aside for reading, prayer and reflection rejuvenates me in a way even incredible teaching and fellowship seldom do. It is such a rarity for me in this stage of life, with 5 children 8 and under to be able to spend extended time doing those things. Oh sure, I sneak in 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there, I pray while I’m nursing zman. That cannot replace time spent alone with the Lord. If relationship is an integral component of my faith, it can only subsist on interrupted conversations for so long.
In writing these two paragraphs I have been interrupted at least 7 times. That is with one child asleep and the rest playing outside. One of my interruptions was zgirl, done outside, now siting beside me quietly coloring. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. Contrary to the negative thoughts that plague me at times, I really do love my life. My family is a gift from the Lord. I am right where He wants me to be and I am being transformed through the mundane of my life into something holy. Written as the phone rings with interruption number eight (and now I’m publishing this post days after I actually wrote most of it, having succumbed to many more pauses and interruptions).
Loving my family and my life does not make me any less desperate for some time away. As I have been contemplating whether or not to attend the next women’s retreat, I kept having this nagging need for simple quiet. So I mentioned my thoughts to zmr. We had a similar conversation a couple of years ago but nothing really came of it…nursing infants complicate things. I did have a spa day this past fall, which was lovely but over all too quickly. We discussed the retreat as a possibility and zmr was all for it. Then I hesitantly stated that I really just wanted to go hole up in a bed and breakfast for a couple of days and read and pray. And zmr, humble, loving, serving man that he is, said “Do it.” And every day since, for over a week has asked me if I have made reservations anywhere yet.
So today, I did it. True to form, as I dialed, there was quiet in my home…until someone on the other end picked up the phone. Then as I was trying to answer questions and exchange information, it was anything but. I fought a cacophony of chaos while I tried to hush children and hear. More proof of how important it was to make the call. When I got off the phone I sat down, slightly dumbfounded at what I had done.
At the end of April, I will be going away for 2 days and 2 nights. All. By. Myself. I have a room booked at a nearby bed and breakfast that also has a restaurant so I don’t have to venture out if I don’t want to. It is nothing too fancy, but full of New England charm, far enough away that it will feel like an escape, but close enough that I don’t have to spend hours in the car waiting to get there.
I will have my own personal retreat, a time of contemplation and prayer. I will bring my bible. The theme of this year’s retreat will be Keeping the Heart based on John Flavel’s study of Proverbs 4:23. Lo and behold, his book was for sale on our book table at church. I picked that up to bring too. While I’m sure I will miss some wonderful insight from the conference, I’m looking forward to the quiet, and time to simply pray and listen to Him. I’m not saying I will never go to a retreat again…in all likelihood I will. But for now, I am looking forward to some solitude. Spent in the company of He who never leaves me.
stumblingtoholiness 
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