I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Just about everyday I have feelings of failure as a parent. I know my children love me and I love them. Then my day gets filled with tasks and to-do lists, errands and appointments. While all of those things are ultimately to serve my family, I often miss the forest for the trees and, I’ll admit, see my own children as impediments to achieving the deeds meant to make a loving home for them. I know my priorities in my head, but between the work of my hands and the condition of my heart, I sometimes struggle to keep it joyful each day, despite having more blessings handed to me in my life than I ever dreamed of, let alone deserve.
I’m sure I’m not alone. I think it is a particular trial for those with more than 1.7 or 2.3 or whatever the current average children per household is. Not because we have a greater cross to bear, or because we are somehow more or less in any way (other than sheer numbers!). Rather, the general attitude being that we shouldn’t have had so many children anyway, we are only getting what we asked for. That’s a topic for a different post, but to address it quickly, in a sense; we are. This became clear to me in my quiet prayer time this morning.
I was asking the Lord to work in my heart and help me to complete my tasks this day with diligence. I started to ask him to help me deal lovingly and patiently with my children. I asked him to help me be joyful with them. Oh the blessing of prayers answered immediately, even while yet praying! As I was praying I began to picture each child. Zfirstborn, and his smile that fills his whole face, ztwintwo and his squinty eyed, double wink smile, head slightly uplifted. I pictured ztwinone and his smile that is more like a happy sigh as it dimples his cheeks, zgirl and her exuberant, sparkly eyes. And of course, zman, with his chubby cheeks, head slightly tilted to his shoulder as his whole body smiles. And I found myself smiling and chuckling in the midst of my prayers. I found myself not greedily hoarding the quiet of this morning but looking forward to their waking, to talking with them, and planning our day together.
I found myself thinking about God and his great love for us. His gentle, loving ways, his lovingkindness. One of my favorite pieces of scripture is Numbers 6:24-26:
The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. (ESV)
The passage doesn’t explicitly say smiling. I’ll take the liberty of assuming the meaning is there though, in an even deeper way. Parenting isn’t, nor should it be all grins and giggles. There is real work to be done, teaching and encouraging, lessons to be learned. Loving isn’t always giving someone what they want and making someone happy. God disciplines the one whom he loves. He also cares for, nourishes, protects them. So today, I will smile at my children in the hope that my smile will warm their hearts as their smiles warm mine. I will be grateful that I am getting what I asked for…and then some.
stumblingtoholiness 
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